The Other Side of Fear

I think life is so interesting. 

Two Saturdays ago, I was given a gift that will change my perception of your average everyday  fear…forever.

 

A week before this particular Saturday, I was looking forward on my calendar.

SATURDAY: Meeting with Joe, TKD Scrimmage for Dom, Ice skating with Fam.

I decided that the business meeting should be confirmed and clarified.

In doing so, I found my original impression – what was supposed to be a casual business luncheon of “meeting the team” – changed dramatically to coming in at 8:30 and meeting the group of clients.

Okay, I thought. I’m game. It’ll be early, but I can introduce myself. Nothing big.

The Friday before, (night before) I was up until 1:00 am working on a contract deal that I have.

Needless to say, that 5:00 am came very early, and I found myself a bit groggy and stressed.

I decided to sit down, have a small cup of coffee and check in to Facebook, maybe post about where I”m going to be.

In the first few moments, I realized that the fellow I’m going to meet beat me to the punch with a briefing for his clients that I’d be there with a few tips.

“What?!”

I spent the next hour and a half slamming together words, trying to calm myself down. I’ve never spoken on practically no notice before. What would I say? Suddenly, I felt like I knew nothing. Fear moved in.

I survived, and the event was fine, though not as good as what I would have liked, I lived. I was a bit proud of  myself. I looked at it and I did not even think to run.

Later in the morning, my son Dominik had a scrimmage with his TaeKwonDo Team. Scrimmages had not been his forte as of yet, taking a few swift kicks was not on his priority list of things to do. Previously when faced with quick paced opponents, Dominik would leave the ring, quitting the match.

I can visualize what it’s like underneath all that padding. People are screaming (parents) over top of each other, clapping, cheering and jeering. The opponent and you are face to face. Then, someone kicks you. It’s your opponent, but it’s a swift and hefty kick. It’s not painful but definitely jarring.

In this morning, I’m seeing it through a new lens. This day, it’s like life. Life throws thrusts of events and challenges at you and you have choice.

YOU CHOOSE TO RESPOND, TO REACT, OR TO RUN. 

The particular opponent Dominik faced this morning is fast. She is throwing kicks and punches faster than Dominik has learned to move. He is frightened. Fear has moved in. He begins to cry and turns to his coach when there is a pause in the fight. Tears are streaming down his face, and for the first time in awhile he looks like such a little boy.

In previous scrimmages, this is where he would chose to RUN.

His coach says a few words to him.

Dominik begins to compose himself. His tears clear. He returns to the match.

While he didn’t win the scrimmage itself, he won inside himself. He walked to the other side of fear. He RESPONDED. 

My husband and I were filled with gratitude, pride, and joy at this wonderful shift in our son. He stepped fully into himself, in that one second.

Two hours later, I was skating. I was enjoying the calm, the muting of the ice, the families were just beginning to arrive and my family was already enjoying themselves skating round and round.

I was deep in thought about the morning, reviewing both the morning meeting and the TKD scrimmage.

I was filled with gratitude for the gift of being there and being given opportunities to see life in a different way.

Then, I started to become more present. I could feel the skates under my feet. I felt the crispness of the air in the indoor ice rink. I could hear the voices around me.

I took a deep breath and leaned into my skates for another round and I heard, “Mommy, I DID IT!”.

My heart warmed, another child faced his fear and won.

In another round, “Honey, did you see what I did?”

and another, “I’m going to try something new”

Then suddenly, I realized that I’d been given the gift of seeing fear on every side, in one day. 

The role fear plays in our lives is pivotal.

It can be paralyzing and feel defeating. 

Yet, it’s a simple emotion that if faced, in one single second, it can be over. Then you are on the other side.

Of course there are many different levels and types of fear.

I’m speaking of the fear that you feel when you think of something new. The fear of taking action in your life to change the circumstances you are in to make your life better.

Perhaps this is the fear of changing jobs or careers. It could be the fear of leaving a toxic relationship. It could be the fear of traveling alone, or as simple as learning something new.

Whatever the fear, it’s holding you back. The fear is holding you still, holding you from being your very best self.

You don’t have to let it, all you have to do is take a deep breath and move through it.

Deep breath, act.